One Nanny's Secret
It was an ideal client with a not-so-ideal job: a new-to-two mom who wanted a bit of help on the weekends from a dedicated nanny, nothing consistent and nothing long-term. She was sweet, cautious, understanding, and delightfully pleasant, always asking how my family was doing and sharing the latest updates about hers.
Although we couldn’t find a candidate to meet her needs, it did not stop her from eagerly referring us to other families and nannies. Susie was like that. Caring and respectful, valuing the work others did.
This is how I met Linh.
Susie, my client, had been referred to Linh by a friend who knew of a nanny seeking some extra weekend hours. The fact she was a career nanny and spoke Vietnamese was attractive to Susie, so it was the perfect match for both. Linh earned additional money on the weekend, and Susie got a few hours to herself.
With them both having warm personalities, even a language barrier did not keep them from becoming fast friends—and Susie was the friend Linh did not know she needed.
Linh had years of nanny experience, maintaining connections and both personal and working relationships with some families for more than twenty years. Her references described her as gifted in her work and taking a palatable weight off their shoulders. She not only cared for the children, but she also cooked for the families, cleaned for them, and exceeded all expectations. She was a jack-of-all-trades and worked extremely hard to please her work families.
But she had a secret.
Linh was being abused by her current employer.
While she had been with the same family for years, it was not by choice.
Linh had disclosed to Susie that she wanted to leave her current position but could not because she had a contract.
If Linh needed time off for a family gathering, she was threatened with being sued by the family’s lawyer or with being replaced if she did not show up for work, even if the time off was previously granted.
Linh shared that she was often yelled at, berated, and forced to run, not walk, whenever she was with the children. The stories she shared seemed so dramatic and inhumane that you’d think they were made up for a movie. There was no way this could be happening in 2024.
But it was.
Linh had proof.
Unbeknownst to her employers, Linh had taken a video recording some of the abuse that she had endured.
The last incident, however, was the worst. Reluctantly agreeing to accompany the family outside of the country for a trip, she found herself in a critical situation. Being confined to the family’s vacation property, she was unable to communicate with her own family, unable to travel to the store for necessities, and unable to properly eat. Her food was being rationed by her employers, and she was only provided with foods the employers chose and the amount of food the employers thought she needed. Linh became hungry, weak, tired, and ill. Her mental health was escaping her minute by minute.
When she returned home, her sodium levels and electrolytes were so out of balance, she had to be hospitalized. With her physical and mental health deteriorating as a direct result of her job, she was at a crossroads.
Though her grown children had insisted she should not go back to work, Linh did not believe that was an option. She had a contract. If she did not go to work, the family would sue her. To Linh, she had signed her life away and was forced to accept that.
When Linh disclosed to Susie what was happening, she urged Linh to reach out to my nanny agency to find a new job. She let Linh know that what was happening was not okay and even consulted with her lawyer friend on her behalf, who told Linh the contract did not matter, especially after viewing the video she had taken.
Linh, however, was conditioned by fear. She knew the family had money and their own attorney. She did not believe she had a way out.
Linh reached out after struggling to complete our agency application. If the referral had come from anyone else, I probably would not have proceeded. But Susie was adamant that she was truly a fantastic nanny and person. So, after walking Linh through the application process and receiving Linh’s completed application, I scheduled an interview.
In front of me appeared a woman who was completely broken. Her sobs were filled with desperation as she shared her story. Her fear could be felt through my computer screen. “I must go back to work. I will be sued if I don’t go back. I will be in trouble.”
Concerned about her immediate mental health and safety, I asked to speak with her grown children, whom she was currently residing with and who had helped get her electronically connected for her interview. I explained to Linh and her children that while I was not an attorney and could not provide legal advice, I did know that this was not okay.
Linh went on to share that she had also sought out a mental health provider who shared the same and urged her not to return to work. By the time she had seen the provider, though, her mental health had deteriorated to a level that required medication just for her to function.
During our conversation, I helped Linh devise an action plan. I referred Linh to the workforce commission for her state, her local chapter of Domestic Workers United, and the National Domestic Workers Alliance. I also connected her to the local nanny support group for crisis support.
With her children’s support and her fear put into perspective, Linh agreed not to return to work and to seek out the resources provided.
The local support group made immediate contact with Linh and the next morning Linh was able to meet with local group leaders. After Linh shared her story, the leaders accompanied her to her employer’s home to return a car seat, among other items that she had in her possession.
The local leaders stood beside her in solidarity as she stood her ground and refused to return to work.
Over the next few days, Linh continued to reach out to update me on her progress. She was executing her action plan and regaining control of her life. She was under the care of her doctor, pursuing avenues for legal action, and working to heal from her experience.
Her fear has been replaced with relief. Her obligation to her employers has been replaced with gratitude for strangers who became friends. Though there remains a hint of fear in her voice, as she still wonders if she will be sued by her work family, her determination to put herself first is now bigger than the fear that had previously paralyzed her.
While Linh is not ready to return to work, someday when she is, it will be from a position of strength and power, ensuring she’ll never be abused or taken advantage of by a household employer again. She’s found a new voice, which she’s using to share her story in hopes that no other nanny experiences what she has gone through again.
Resources for Nannies
International Nanny Association
Your state workforce commission and local nanny support group.